My Struggle With Day-To-Day Anxiety

Hello to all my lovely followers!

I know I haven’t posted in a while, and to be honest I have been going back and forth trying to work out whether or not I should actually post this. However, the last few days I have found a lot of comfort in blog posts like these and I decided that if I find comfort in reading other bloggers personal experiences then the chances are someone else might find comfort in hearing mine too. So girls and guys, brace yourself because things are about to get pretty damn personal!

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Anxiety is something that I have to deal with day in, day out. That’s not to say that I don’t have a good life, a loving home and lots to look forward to, because I do. Anxiety also doesn’t mean that I am under confident or incapable, in fact I like to describe myself as the opposite. However, it does have its downfalls and that’s exactly what I am here to share with you today.

First of all let me introduce you to how it all began. I’ve never really been a nervous or anxious person at all. I’ve never hid away in my bedroom not wanting to come out, I’ve always enjoyed socialising and I love to do exciting things and live on the edge a little. I’m honestly not sure where it all stemmed from, but around the age of 16 I began to worry more than usual. Now, this could be put down to a number of things but I actually think it was a combination of things. Although I was slightly more concerned about things in general, it never got in the way of anything I wanted to do and it never actually affected me at all.

But, sadly that all changed and it happened very suddenly too. During this time, from 16 to the age I am now (nearly 20) I’ve had a few different jobs, all of which I’ve worked very hard in. My last job though, my first ‘real’ job in the industry I want to make it in, it all began to get a bit too much after the first initial 6 months. I found that my work enviroment was beginning to get me down. The money I was being paid was extremely low and it took its toll on me both physically and emotionally. The work wasn’t the problem, I love to sit at a desk and write all day, but it was the pressure I was put under and the enviroment that I had to work in that became the problem. I didn’t know where I stood and was promised things that never followed through. I felt as if I was walking on egg shells and believe me after a year and 6 months enough was enough.

During this time my Dad was also extremely stressed at work and because he works within the same industry we began to bounce our stress of off each other and although we always tried to help each other, when you are both in the same stressed state of mind it can be hard to help each other think positively.

All of this underlying stress began to come to a head. It started out with hot sweats. I had them for months and didn’t even know that they were related to anxiety until much later on in my story. I even got tested for thyroid problems I was so convinced that something was seriously wrong. After about a year I began to notice a pattern. I would get a hot sweat everyday on the way to work, on the way home from work, when talking to my boss or whenever I felt ever so slightly anxious – it would be a huge contradiction because in my head I would feel fine, but my body was telling me something completely different.

The real wakeup call was when I began searching for a new job. I had great success with my job search and it all happened very quickly. I had interviews lined up and I felt really excited about the future. Nevertheless, my body decided to do something completely different yet again. The night before my first interview me and Sam got into bed, kissed each other good night and turned the lights out. Five minutes later I found myself crawling out of bed, running to the bathroom and violently throwing up. I had just recently got over a sickness bug and realised that it felt totally different to a bug like that and then it hit me – “I’m sick with worry”.

On my way to the interview, I threw up again and the entire train journey was hell. I had NEVER felt so anxious before. I finally got to the interview with a lot of encouragement from my mum and I came out beaming. Everything went really well and there was absoutely nothing to worry about!

This was the turning point for me. Whenever I felt anxious I began to gag and feel sick and in the end I was throwing up every morning before work and would have regular panic attacks. I started to take days off to work from home and even had to start using flexi hours. It was like living in a nightmare. There was nothing I could do and I was filled with a feeling of dread constantly. Most days I forced myself to get on that train and get to work but by the end it just got too much for me to handle. I was losing sleep, losing my appetite and completely losing my spark and passion for a job I once loved.

After months and months of misery I decided to turn to NLP where my mum was able to suggest (and pay for) a close friend and colleague of hers. It helped to talk to someone and it is a very difficult experience to explain in short, but it is one I would certainly recommend. It didn’t magically ‘fix’ me but it shifted a few things in me and the outcome was something HUGE.

After much consideration, a lot of soul searching and some prescribed medication, Sam and I decided to move in together. It made a big difference and having Sam to influence me in such a positive way was a godsend. After the first week of moving in together my anxiety eased up massively and I began to find life more than bearable. In fact, life was good. Mornings still weren’t great, but Sam took me to the station every day and sent me away with positive thoughts. It helped to have someone who totally gets you and most importantly, has the time to make you and your health a priority.

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A few months into the move we decided to take another big step and start up our own business. We both quit our jobs and got to work on our new self employed venture. Much to my delight, my anxiety COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY disappeared!!!!!!

Now, I’m writing this post today because sadly my anxiety attacks have reoccured after 4 longs months of total freedom and I feel as if I’m back to square one again. It came out of the blue one day (2 weeks ago to be precise) and just hasn’t left since. I was particularly stressed when it came on again but my worries have been taken care of and there is nothing I should be concerned about. IT SUCKS.

gluten free

And on top of all of that I am now suffering with IBS (related to anxiety). I’m on a new gluten free diet and I am no longer mixing carbs with protein to help my digestion. Not only do I have anxiety, I can’t even comfort eat!

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Although things are pretty crap now, I know that things will get better and if I’ve got over it before I sure as hell can do it again.

Last but not least, I want to say a special thank you to all bloggers out there who have posted on this subject before. It may not cure somebody from anxiety but it really does help to hear how other people cope with the same disorder. I also want to say a special thanks to everyone who has supported me during these hard times – I’m so lucky to have such a good  family like I have and such understanding friends. I’ve even got what I see as an extended family now, so I have a lot to be grateful for!

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What experiences have you had with anxiety? Let me know using the comments section below – it’s always nice to speak to likeminded people 🙂

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20 thoughts on “My Struggle With Day-To-Day Anxiety

  1. I love that you decided to post this, I think it always helps to talk about things (or blog about them!) and find other people sharing the same experiences. And that fourth paragraph down… I know what you mean! Really great post and I hope things get easier for you 🙂

  2. Hi Mary, sorry to hear that your anxiety has reared it’s ugly head again, wonder if there was a trigger? Not exactly the same, but jay used to actually throw up a lot, it wasn’t until he realised that stress/anxiety was the cause, then it came to a stop? I used to get ibs (undiagnosed) when I was working and it wasn’t until I had Eddie, gave up work, and didn’t get it anymore, that I realised that work stress was the cause. Now it just appears on special occasions, like parties and weddings!! Not really got any advice, but maybe it help you knowing that other people suffer/suffered physically with the symptoms of stress & anxiety? Hang in in there, love the family camel photo by the way!!! X x

  3. Hi Esther!

    What a lovely message. I’ve been taken back by how kind people have been about this post, it really does mean a lot to me and it also helps to hear that I’m not the only one suffering – gives me a bit of hope that it is just a phase I’m going through! I’m still working on finding the trigger but I think it is just the way my body has learned to deal with stress in general. I’ve got a few things lined up that should help me so hopefully good health is just around the corner for me! xxxx

  4. Hey,
    I can totally relate to this and I feel like our lives are very similar! I get a lot of anxiety too to the point it physically and emotionally affects me, and it’s definitely frustrating! I’ve recently looked into some soul searching too and tried to read up on stuff which may help change my mindset and keep me positive. If you haven’t already, watch ‘The Secret’ documentary, you can find it on Netflix. I too run my own business and have responsibilities and I understand it can get overwhelming but watching ‘The Secret’ really changed me into the most positive person you could meet. I would really suggest watching it, it’s amazing 🙂 x

    1. That’s so strange! You seem so similar to me and I just checked out your blog, you even use the same Aussie hair products as me haha! I haven’t seen the documentary so I’m deffo going to watch it now & see if it helps. Thanks for the advice and take care xxx

  5. Hello Mary,
    What a brave and honest blog! Anxiety and metal health problems (not suggesting this is you) just are the Cinderella of society and what we feel we cant own up to. I have been touched with metal health problems after having a baby 43 years ago. I was so ashamed, and still am in a way as it seems a sign of weakness, when in fact once you come through you are stronger. When the next wave strikes you know you can cope as you have before. Dont be hard on yourself, take time to ‘smell the roses’. Someone above has recommended The Secret, I have heard of that too, and its supposed to be life changing. Dont forget you can ring the Samaritans, you dont have to be suicidal. They deal with every anxiety you can imagine as well as loneliness, self harm, eating disorders, and the list goes on. If you do dial up and dont seem to gel with the first Samaritan, then try another.
    Remember we love you.

  6. Yes Mary …We all love you and are so proud of you and what you have achieved at such a young age.
    My Mum is right and remember “that which harms you but doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
    I am so sure you will be helping other young people one day, you have sooooooo much experience in so many things. Big Hug…. massive Peace & Love xxxx

  7. Hey! Thank you so much for your kind words everyone! The struggles some of you have been through just go to show how common anxiety disorder actually is and I’m so glad that I posted this in the end. Mental health problems are a burden that soooo many people have to cope with yet there’s really not enough support given in the workplace! That’s really great to know about the Samaritans and I will definetely use that in the future if I need to. Like you both say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and I sure as hell will use this life experience to helps others in the future! xx

  8. Oh Marie, it breaks my heart to read how such a beautiful, talented girl like yourself is plagued with such a frustrating, draining condition. Mum has probably told you that Hannah is suffering in a similar way and when she lays in my arms sobbing, begging me to take it all away I could die. When I read your blog, read how positive you can be through such a situation it gives me hope. Thank you for being so brave and honest, you are helping me and Hannah without even knowing it, ?

    1. Hi Terri,

      So lovely to hear that you and Hannah are reading my blog. It’s always so exciting for me to know that people are actually enjoying my writing – puts a smile on my face! If Hannah would ever like to meet and have a chat it would be an absolute pleasure, I know that it really helps to talk to someone who is going through the same things. It’s very difficult, EXTREMELY BORING and it can stop you from just being yourself. Hannah just know that times will get better and if you go through this now at such a young age you will learn so many life lessons early on and nothing will ever phase you again! We will both come out stronger on the other side 🙂 Lots of love to you both xxxx

  9. Hi Mary,
    Thank you so much for opening up in your blog… I’ve just been recognised as having binge eating disorder and anxiety disorder, and am trying to read all I can about them! I’m going to be starting therapy soon, which is positive, but I’m still in the tangly web… In fact I’ve just lost this entire weekend to it.
    You have given me hope though, and it’s great to know that I’m not alone and my anxiety is a “thing”, I’m not just a worrier.
    Take care, and I hope you find your way through the web…
    Jen Xxx

    1. Hello Jen!

      So sorry to here that you are suffering and I can’t tell you how nice it is to hear that I have given you hope. Since I wrote this post (just a few days ago) I am feeling a LOT better so I’m sure that you will pull through that tangly web and land on your feet again some time soon. Stay strong, remember your worth and realise that things will get better.

      All the best xoxo

  10. I know this post is old, but it caught my eye as I too suffer from Anxiety and also Bipolar Disorder and OCD. It was really bad for awhile and I was in the hospital for months and almost missed my Senior Year of High School activities. It is just really hard and a struggle everyday. I hate the panic attacks and the sweats or the awkwardness I have when someone new approaches me and I start sweating a lot because my anxiety hits hard. I have had my Bipolar and OCD the longest and hated always being characterized as weird and always hard to find people to connect with and make true friends. Thankfully I was able to fight through with doctors and my mom, but I know what you mean when you say it can disappear and all seems normal, but out of the blue it hits again. I met a great guy after so many heartbreaks who constantly helps me and I have my son who when I know I hit a dark hour I know I can’t leave him and have to fight my own weak thoughts. I hope your anxiety is not as bad as it was in this post. I love your honesty on this matter and I think a lot of people suffer from one thing or another and it’s great to be able to connect through the internet. Sorry such a long rambling comment lol but it’s comforting to know that I (everyone) is not alone in this. xoxo Janet

    1. Janet I’m so happy to hear that you found my post helpful – that’s exactly what I wanted to achieve by posting this, to help others and connect with those going through similar situations. As always, it’s heartbreaking to hear your story but I’m also glad to hear that I’m not alone in this and that you’ve met a great guy. Without my hubby I’m not sure where I would be, so I know exactly how much of a good influence the right person can have! Stay strong darling and always remember it will pass… it goes away, comes back, goes away but will only ever make you stronger. Thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment on such a personal subject. Take care xx

  11. Thank you for writing this post. This is almost three years ago, so I hope things are much better now! Anxiety can truly be terrible, but getting through it can make us stronger. Luckily feelings will always change, and even if it`s uncomfortable, when it is all over, you can be proud of yourself for not giving up.

    1. I’m so embarrassed of my writing here! Feel like I’m now able to explain myself so much better. But that’s all part of the journey and looking back on stuff like this is the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. Love logging my experiences and being able to connect with likeminded people across the because of my openness online. Thanks for your kind, wise words. I certainly feel proud of how far I’ve come and certainly feel stronger for it. x

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